adventures of a non-binary little awesome trans*person in a binary world.
The only solution I see, if I cannot live my life obvious (as I once did unthinkingly, without knowing how sweet I had it) — if I cannot not pass — is to come out again, and again, and again. Only now am I seeing the value of practices like National Coming Out Day, for if there is one thing I might claim to know better than my woman-partnered sisters, it is invisibility. I may pass for straight, be seen as a breeder and thereby shoved into a closet again and again every moment of my child’s life, but I don’t have to quietly stay there.
I am happily monogamous with a man. I have a child. And I am bisexual.
So, there was that exclusion [LGBT families were strictly forbidden as potential adoptive parents]. Pretty blatantly, too. For many people it is either insurmountable or requires a certain amount of lying to get around. There is no reason our family should be any more or less eligible to complete the adoption process internationally than any LGBT couple with the same, basic characteristics.
This was actually a hard process for me because I was unsure as to whether or not I wanted to adopt through a program that would not allow other couples to adopt for needless, closed minded, and irrelevant reasons
In fact, I put forth that the true essence of family values is abundant in same sex families. So what really is family values?
Even though conservatives like to define family values as being a “promotion of traditional marriage” between a man and a woman, a 2008 survey found that the majority of Americans (thank goodness for changed thinking) define family values as “loving, taking care of, and supporting each other” and that “society should value all types of families.”
There’s an expression in the gay community that you don’t come out just once, you come out over and over again each time you meet someone new. I hadn’t thought until this week how that expression would also be true for my daughter until the night she burst into tears and told me how embarrassed she was that I was gay, and how afraid she was of having to tell new kids at a new school next year, how she was afraid she’d be teased for it, that when we go places as a family she wonders what other people are thinking. The rawness of her emotions slammed into me and I found myself grappling for an answer.
I took a deep breath and told her that the people who matter will accept her and her family and the people that don’t are not going to be the people that matter. That we don’t live our lives in secret as if we’re ashamed of who we are, and that by living honestly and openly we are taking away the opportunity for others to use our life as a weapon against us. I told her that sometimes I wonder what people think of our family too, but then I remember how awesome our family is and I remind myself that what other people think is their business.